I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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