When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
