he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
