I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
