shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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