question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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