yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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