Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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