Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
