bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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