Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
porn star boner night. come get it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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