well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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