I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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