No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
