Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
