Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
