Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
