think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
