the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
