with your own penis?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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