Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
