last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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