Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
