Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
