your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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