Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
