I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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