guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
