guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
one might say we're banned from that church
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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