Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
