Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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