is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
