If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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