I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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