I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I would ride that face into the sunset
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
