I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
