Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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