I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
