I faked an abortion last night.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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