Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
