Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
