I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
