I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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