You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
