Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
