so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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