So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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