you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
