duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
