He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
